Character Traits Of The Child– Many traits of a child’s character that seem positive to us may in the future turn into problems for him. We understand situations with family and child psychologist
CHARACTER TRAITS OF THE CHILD: WHAT POSITIVE TRAITS OF CHILDREN CAN BE HARMFUL WITH AGE
This is very convenient: you come home after work, and the child puts the kettle on and the salad cuts. I did my homework; I washed the dishes. I don’t ask for a walk outside – they say that it’s better to have a book at home. And you say to him: “Good girl, come here, I will give you sweetie.” Alas, often we want something from a child that is not convenient for him, but specifically for us. Obedience, perseverance, good grades. Without thinking that it may badly affect his future. We talked about such dangers with family and child
- Situation 1. Never reread
The child is obedient, almost in all agrees with the opinion of the parents. What is it fraught with?
– He can grow conformist. Will follow the imposed values, opinions. That is, it will become an addicted person who is easily influenced. Most likely, he will not be able to create his own business – he will be only an employee.
“But is obedience bad?” Somewhere there must be a happy medium! At what exact point does a parent need to think: what is wrong with us?
– While the child is small, of course, he is a slave, for him, there must be authorities. Otherwise, out of control. But with age, you still need to start building a dialogue with your son or daughter. Do not order, namely, to discuss the situation. So I think so, and you agree with me? Not? And why?
Character Traits Of The Child
- Situation 2. Busy with the affairs
A child is diligent; he does not bother his parents for hours, doing favorite things.
– When a child is self-sufficient, it is beautiful! But one thing is when he is sincerely good with himself, and another is when he is afraid of contact with other children.
There are some types of personality that are good with you — the same mathematician Perelman. And there are children who would like to contact, but for some reason, they are afraid to do it. Therefore, busy themselves. It is necessary to understand: is it the fear of communication or the child’s sincere desire to be alone?
- Situation 3. I am ready to give everything
The child is ready to share with others all in a row. In the sandbox – with a spatula, in school – homework.
– It is good when a child is kind when he does not compare himself with other children – who is better off. But if he does this, because he is afraid that otherwise he will not be loved, this is already bad. There is even a concept in psychology: the complex of a good girl or a good boy. This is when a child tries to please everyone, to be good for everyone, like a bill of large value. Such a child can grow up to be a person who is unable to say no in any situation.
Character Traits Of The Child
In Soviet times, altruism was encouraged: nothing for yourself, everything for a brighter future. But now even in airplanes, they say: in the case of an emergency, first put the oxygen mask on yourself, then on the child. Because if fail to to take care of yourself, the child will only get worse. Conclusion: to be self-sufficient, viable, to help loved ones, you need to be able to think about yourself.
- Situation 4. First in everything
The child is the leader in the classroom. Is it good or bad?
– It depends on what is behind the desire for leadership. Perhaps the child is more important to appear than to be. Maybe the reasons like this: “I’m cool, look what a star I am!” It turns out that the people around him are mirrors in which he looks: am I cool enough in their eyes? And if so, he will increasingly show off, seek approval.
But there can also be a positive version of leadership: when a child is not afraid to take responsibility for himself when he knows how to convince others. True leaders are not those who act from a position of strength, but those who can argue, convince, set an example of how to behave in difficult situations.
- Situation 5. Silence
The child is quiet, trying not to stick out. Why is this dangerous?
– For parents, this type of behavior is as convenient as possible. Do not hang out, because you are intelligent, cultural because you are higher than others; adults teach the child. And in fact, it is called “avoidance.” Avoiding problems: head in the sand, ass out! A person gets used to running away from conflicts. But they must be able to resolve!
- Situation 6. All in the books
The child reads a lot. “Yes, it’s beautiful!” Exclaim any parent. But the situation may be twofold.
“Nowadays, books have been replaced with gadgets, of course,” the psychologist comments. – The child is constantly sitting in an imaginary world, imagining what his friends might be, but in reality, he has no friends. The same thing happens when reading avidly – a person gets used to living in an illusory world.
– How can parents notice that reading has turned into a departure from reality?
– If it happened and it will affect other activities. So he did his homework, walked in the evening, played football — well, read it before bedtime … OK. And if instead of football, he is sitting with a book, talking about other children “they are stupid, I’m not interested in them,” then you have to worry. If the child insists that he is not interested in anyone, it is dangerous! We must do everything so that he knows how to contact people in real life.
- Situation 7. Everything is given too simply.
Everything is easy for a child at school. Study – as well.
– This is dangerous because the child can not learn to learn. If everything is easy for him, he suffices on the fly – and runs further. Not putting enough effort. And it gets used to flit a butterfly in life. But this is easily avoided: if the school curriculum is easy, you can give more complex tasks. Is physics going well? Let him go to the level of the Olympiad.
– But if the child is successful in school – is it bad? This also increases his self-esteem!
– Yes, but not to the detriment of the ability to learn. It is necessary to find difficult tasks so that the child learns to overcome barriers. Need skill overcoming difficulties. Because very soon or later it will come in handy in life.
- Situation 8. Always asking for advice.
The child is advised in everything, talks about everything.
– It depends on what purpose is advised. Maybe in order to put everything on the shoulders of parents? To give him a ready-made solution? Or does he want to know their opinion – and then accept his own? It is necessary that parents not only give valuable instructions but build a dialogue.
- On the positive, but not the clown
At one of the lessons from a psychologist, mothers were asked to list the positive qualities of their children. They were repeated from the questionnaire to the questionnaire: my child is kind, affectionate, cheerful, unforgiving, sociable. Or maybe these qualities are good only to a certain extent? We asked Tatyana Semenko to comment on each of these qualities.
- Good – but not to the detriment of himself.
Affectionate – but not ingratiating. Not because he wants to deserve something.
Cheerful – but not because it takes on the role of a clown. Some young clients tell me: I have always believed that I should be positive, should entertain everyone around me because otherwise, mom and dad will swear at me.
Not vindictive- if he can really let go of the situation if the insult does not gnaw at him – this is good. And if the insult still burns from the inside, and the child simply does not dare to act, it is already bad.
Sociable – and this is good in all respects. If this, of course, is not the desire to please everyone on purpose.
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